The Indifferent

Fiercely ambivalent since 2010

Category: Local News

Ordering second cheapest bottle of wine on menu “pretty reliable”, reports local diner

Forrest Sav (front)
Creative Commons License credit: Trevor Dennis

EDINBURGH. When faced with a bewildering wine list and an incomprehensible sommelier, ordering the second cheapest bottle of wine on the menu is a “pretty reliable” way to choose a bottle of wine, a local man revealed today.

David Walsh, 26, made the statement while he and a group of old friends were struggling to decipher an inexplicably confusing wine list at a restaurant in the city last Sunday. “The second cheapest is usually the way to go”, Walsh explained. “It’s pretty reliable, and will usually get you something solid, albeit not spectacular. I mean, it just stands to reason: etiquette says you can’t order the absolute cheapest wine in a restaurant, but since you don’t understand anything about wine you don’t want to order anything too expensive. So just go for the second cheapest.”
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Music young people are listening to these days “just noise”, insists middle aged man

Sony WM-F75 Walkman
Creative Commons License credit: splorp

LINCOLN. A local man today insisted to friends that popular music is in terminal decline, adding that most current popular music could be described as “just noise, really”. Craig Shearer, 47, from Horncastle, near Lincoln, made the somewhat predictable declaration over drinks with work colleagues in a local pub.

“Back in our day we had proper songwriting and people played real instruments”, Mr Shearer explained. “Nowadays computers are writing songs”.

When it was put to him by a junior colleague that basically every generation since the beginning of time has claimed the same thing, Shearer was unrepentant. “Our music was great”, Shearer responded. “Our parents just didn’t understand it.”. Shearer also refuted the allegation that had basically become a bit like his parents, and wasn’t in touch with young people today. “I really am in touch with the kids”, he explained. “I watch X-Factor and everything.”

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Aim low with New Year’s resolutions, resolvers told

BIRMINGHAM. People making commitments to change their behaviour in the New Year should aim for trivially easy targets to increase their chance of success, a local taxi driver told relations today.

Peter Oldham, 48, was helping himself to an additional portion of parsnips during his families traditional New Year’s Day roast when he offered the unsolicited advice to a gathering of seven or eight relatives.

“These people want to bring about serious change in their lives, for example losing lots of weight, smoking less or giving up some kind of vice”, Mr Oldham explained. “Those kind of resolutions actually require a bit of effort and that’s why people fail. They should aim for things they might actually be able to pull off, like giving up some food they don’t like.” Read the rest of this entry »

Cyclist celebrates on the inside after dropping fellow commuters to earn hard-fought victory on the Col de Brixton

BRIXTON. An office worker today celebrated on the inside after overtaking eight fellow cyclists on a busy uphill road in South London. Tom Johnson, 32, was the first of the group of eight unconnected commuters to reach the top of Brixton Hill, and revealed that while it may have looked easy, a lot of effort was involved.

“My heart was beating pretty hard, but it’s important to look relaxed when you overtake people,” Johnson explained. ” You can’t let them know that you’re racing them. But everybody races sometimes.”

Johnson’s victory was all the more impressive given the calibre of the opposition, which included a woman on a shopping bike, a couple of teenagers, and a guy wearing lycra riding what looked like an a pretty expensive road bike. “It was particularly sweet to beat that guy”, Johnson added. “He looks pretty fast but he made a right mess of the traffic lights, and that cost him dear”.