Football programme hit by cold weather as fans sent to bed with hot water bottle and cup of hot cocoa

Winter sky + tree
Creative Commons License credit: sebilden

ENGLAND. Football games were cancelled right across the country today as football clubs took swift measures to ensure hapless football fans wouldn’t fall over and hit their headie-weadies and need to go crying to their mumsie-wumsies. Despite the fact that fans have had been successfully commuting to work all week, and have had no trouble getting to pubs, restaurants, shops, gyms and schools up and down the country, the clubs sensibly decided that the fans shouldn’t be such silly-billys and should instead go home and wrap themselves up in a nice warm blanket.

“The safety of the fans is our primary concern”, a Premier League chairman told us today. “The postponements are totally unrelated to our current form on the pitch, our injury crisis, the expected low attendance and the amount of money we’ll lose from lost sales and merchandising. “

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