LONDON. The avocado has continued its unwarranted advance on dinnerplates across the globe, new research published today has revealed.
The squishy, tastless fruit has long been a staple of guacamole and bland salads but has recently also been making significant advances in side-salads, sandwiches and burgers.
“The rise in unneccessary avocado consumption has really been quite alarming”, explained Sarah Berry, Professor of Fruit at the University of Shropshire. “The number of meals with avocado in has been increasing year on year, far above the rate that we would expect for such a crappy and pointless fruit.”
“One day avocados will be in every meal, and people will be asking - ‘how did this happen? - but by then it will be too late.”
Professor Berry’s research also indicated that more and more people are admitting that they like avocado: a dangerous development that Berry reads as a sign that the subversive tactics of the avocado are starting to have an effect on the population at large.
“The campaign the avocado is fighting is a smart and effective one”, Berry explained. “One day avocados will be in every meal, and people will be asking - ‘how did this happen? - but by then it will be too late.”