Politician fixes all world’s problems using only unswerving confidence in own bullshit opinions

in da house...
Creative Commons License credit: laszlo-photo

WASHINGTON DC. Wrongs righted, poverty defeated, justice restored. It’s just another day in the life of Congressman Don Ferdinand. What’s perhaps more surprising is the secret of his success, which he revealed today during a cross party caucus in his home town of Shropshire, Ohio.

“The key to finding solutions to the complicated problems facing our society is to just pick a course of action based on your own personal experience”, Congressmen Ferdinand told party members this afternoon. “Some argue that you should take time to understand a subject in depth, look at independent research or run scientific trials. Some argue that you should run pilot schemes, learn lessons and make incremental improvements. Thinking like that isn’t what made our country great.”

“To come up with a policy, just say what you think. Let you prejudices guide you. Then say what you think loudly. If you think you’re not getting your message across, SAY IT LOUDER. If that still doesn’t work, shout CHANGE as loud as you can.”

When asked if his approach worked in every situation, the Congressman had to concede that there were times when he needed to be more flexible. “Yeah, normally your own bullshit will be enough to fix most of the worlds problems”, he added. “The exception is if what you think becomes unpopular, or worse, you actually become unpopular yourself. If that happens, just ditch whatever you think and start agreeing with what everyone else thinks.”

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