LIVERPOOL. Residents in the north of England were tonight warned to be on the lookout for around twenty professional footballers who escaped from Anfield this afternoon. While details of the breakout are still emerging, it is believed that the players were briefly left unsupervised and escaped through a nearby transfer window that had been left open.
Officials, however, are confident that the players can be contained and returned to the club in time for Wednesday’s home fixture with Tottenham. “We believe that they may head for Arsenal, Chelsea or even Europe”, police told reporters at a press conference at the ground this afternoon. “They will almost certainly be looking for flair, creativity and freedom of expression - to find that they will be trying to get as far away from Liverpool as possible.”
A brief statement was also read by Jamie Carragher, a Liverpool player who decided against joining the escapees, allegedly claiming that “he had nowhere else to go”. Carragher issued an impassioned plea to his fellow players, telling them to “come back and concentrate on the Europa League, before it’s too late”.